‧₊˚♡ the girl on the sun ♡‧₊˚

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may 03 2025

first entry!! yayyy! im actually really excited to start this, and honestly, it'll be super informal. this morning i woke up at 4:45, and got some pretty good sleep! i fed the cats and woke up stinky, said bye to emma and headed to work for the day. i took the tollway today and got there early, so i ended up taking a nap in my car before my shift. i woke up from my nap at about 5:55 and headed inside to open the cafe. i was the lead on duty today. emilie was the only one who showed up on time, but anika and kacey were late. its okay though no harm no foul! emilie helped with deployment, there were a lot of people today. we're trying this new bar flow and it's actually working really well. one person is on bar one, another on bar two, and a person on bar/inner bar expo, and it's just flowing really nicely. it's also really nice to be staffed well LOL. it's wild to think that's something i'm impressed by, because it's the bare minimum. anyway, it was a great shift, we had like 13 people or something like that, and the rushes did not feel like rushes at all. we got sysco, it was put away pretty quickly and caryn helped me. i also interviewed to become a certified trainer, which is pretty exciting! im gonna be getting a raise to 13+tips (it's alright, would love more but im grateful regardless lol). i'll have the chance to travel to other stores or possibly even out of state!!! they said everything's paid for! i'm so excited. at the end of the year though, i'm going to have to quit and get a real job. i'll definitely miss it, because i genuinely do love working at the cafe and i love all the people i'm working with right now. it's just really really good, and i'm really not worried about the money for once. we finished off the shift smoothly, and the closers came in. i left at 1:30, and headed home. i got home and finished my psych of death & dying project over life is strange, and i'm lowkey proud of it. it's about death themes in the story. after that i went on a picnic with emma and we got dutch! she made us heart waffle sandwiches with double egg double cheese bacon!!!!! it was so amazingly good. she's such an amazing girlfriend. we went on a little walk around the lake we went to after that, and saw a ton of birds, and also a couple of baby bunnies. they were so cute. SHE ALSO PICKED ME A WILDFLOWER BOUQUET!!!!!! i love her so much. i won forreal. after that we headed home, and now we're smoking some wacky tobaccky iykwim :3. saw lots of caterpillars in the garden, they're eating all the veggies!!! it's okay though because they're cute.

may 04 2025

today i had work again from 6-1, but this time i wasn't the LOD which was good! lowkey though, this shift sucked. it was awful if i'm being so real. i was on register, which wasn't the bad part. if anything, that was the easiest part. first, the bubbler for whole milk was frozen over on the seal, so it kept on leaking fucking everywhere and while that was happening, we kept having delivery orders print out. i was genuinely about to crash the fuck out and it was only like, 6:30. emilie helped fix it, which was great. the printers kept on getting jammed which was annoying as fuck. i just wish that this shit could go smooth, like why do our supplies have so many issues??? it's genuinely really fucking frustrating. it's not the worst thing ever of course, it's just annoying. later on, the oven ended up freezing on a blank white screen which sucked even more, so i 86ed the "warm" setting, and ended up putting in a work order for it, but then i come to find out that all we had to do was unplug it and replug it. and then found out that there's a groupchat with all the DLs that didn't include me. mel came to me asking if i saw the funny message that was in the groupchat, and since im not in it, i obviously fucking didn't. it's just frustrating because ive been here for a while now and nobody cared to even add me to that shit. its a fucking 911 groupchat for any kind of emergencies going on at the cafe, and i WAS NEVER ADDED. like genuinely i feel forgotten by everybody in there. why did literally nobody add me, and why did nobody think of me. i know that sounds so selfish but i have actually been thinking this was going to happen, and it actually did. it sucks and i just want to be included in what happens. mel later was telling me something about how we all hang out outside of work and we all are really close but they have not invited me to a single thing. ever. why am i literally never included? an invite at the very least would be so amazing. i get im not 21 yet, and most of the activities they do involve going to the bars, but that's genuinely just not interesting to me. i dont give a single fuck about drinking and never honestly have. its really not that good and doesn't make me feel good, so why the fuck would i do that when i could just smoke a damn joint? anyway im just feeling really left out, and then nat said we dont need a work order for the oven and that made me feel stupid as fuck since there was such a simple fix for it. i just assumed that since kacey said that this has happened before, they've tried other options, and he did tell me that they "waited it out". i never heard anything about unplugging and replugging and i get that's common knowledge but i just assumed they had already tried that. i feel really dumb lol. but yeah that's really all that happened today! i just can't stop thinking about this stuff though, i feel like nobody sees me or values my work sometimes. like why is it that i even give a shit if they don't even notice how much i do and how hard i try?

may 09 2025

alright so i was definitely overreacting to all of that groupchat stuff. i'm pretty sure they had just forgotten to add me or something, and they don't really even use that groupchat very often. i think i just spiraled. anywho, since my last entry i've finished up the last bit of my finals and finished the semester with all A's! i really thought i was going to get a B in my sexual behavior class because, to be real, i forgot to take the exam. it was online and for some reason i thought it was going to be at a later date, but i hadn't checked canvas all day that day and simply forgot. when i checked, it was already 1am the next day, and my grade had dropped an entire letter grade: a low B. i honestly decided to just take the L and do better in the future, but about mid day the following day, i checked my canvas to-do list and noticed it was reopened for me and the due date was changed to may 7th, when it was due may 6th. i felt so lucky. dr. davis doesn't accept late work and has a very strict mindset when it comes to excuses, so i honestly have no idea what made her or her TA reopen that for me. i'm just grateful for it, because now my grade is back up to a 97! i've also been working a lot this week. i have about 36 hours this week and 37 next week, which should help to bulk my bank account up a little bit! very exciting stuff. i'm glad it's summer now. at la la land, emilie just transferred over to the lovers location which was bittersweet, but it lowkey feels a little less intimidating now around the cafe. i don't know what it was about her but she was just very intimidating. there's literally nothing wrong with her lol it's just my awful judginess. things have been reallly great over there- the vibes are great, especially with harley and nat. i don't feel like someone is constantly breathing down my neck about some stupid bullshit. this summer i really wanna bulk my roth ira back up. it's looking a little sad lol. i also went over to my parent's house- it was either yesterday or the day before- to grab some kimchi that my mom got me. while i was there i started looking through some picture books that were just laying out on the dinner table and found some really sweet pictures of my parents from when they were young and in their 20s. i really do think a lot about what my parent's dynamic was like before having kids. i don't regret being born, and i, of course, don't hold anything against my sisters for being born, because that was my parent's choice to have us. i just think that their relationship could have blossomed more if they had just one child or even none at all. it's a difficult feeling, because they used to be so young and in love, and growing up i didn't really see a lot of that. they do kiss and call each other pet names and stuff like that, but there's just so many issues. my mom has talked about divorce. she's very argumentative with him, and he's not as tolerant of it as he used to be. i never want to become that way with emma. maybe i just don't understand their relationship, because everyone is different and you can't expect it to always be perfect. i just wish i could believe they loved each other.

may 10 2025

today i woke up suuuper early at 4:45 for work. i opened the store at royal and was on toast with kacey and vicky opening with me, but then around 7:30 i was asked to go to the plano store to help out!! i got an extra $25 and a free lunch with that which was really great actually. it was really fun seeing all the plano people, i really missed them! i got to hang out on toast with christena and lillian in the back with me. that was really fun, and i also got to play my music on the speaker! tomorrow is mother's day, and i'll be opening the store and then hanging with my mom. should be a good but busy time! i came home and hung out with emma, and we ended up having a reeeeeeal good time. i ate her out as soon as i got out of the shower after work and she came in my mouth and squirted literally everywhere. ugh i could do that FOREVER. anyways, after that we showered and now we're just chillin! it's maddi and adi's birthday party tonight which should be really exciting. i'm going with emma and matthew (i think? idk if matthew is going)! i think we'll be hitting the puffco tn so im excited about that!!

may 12 2025

i'm actually writing this the morning after may 12, but that's ok! here's a recap of my day. i had work at 6 once again, and was soooooo tired today. i could barely keep my eyes open as i was traveling down the highway, but somehow i made it there safe. i was dl for today, so i got deployment and my loop paper all set up. today we had some really good vibes!! i opened with emma, huda, and emeline, and huda was, of course, late. she said she'd be there by 6:10 but it was definitely 6:15 when she arrived. its ok though no harm no foul i guessssss. i opened up bar, and we started the day off pretty strong. we switched over to blue cups/straws/sleeves since it's foster care awareness week! the blue is sooo pretty. anyways, i headed home at 2, and hung out with emma until she had to go to work at about 5. i took a 4 hour nap until about 8 which was really refreshing! we then stayed up until about 1 or 2 am playing minecraft and smoking. i love hanging out with emma, she's my best friend and lover in one person :). like i said, it is the next morning, and i'm at sweetwaters with emma. i have work later at 1! i haven't closed since before i left, so i'm lowkey kind of nervous but i'm sure it'll be okay! i think it'll be easy. it's a tuesday morning so i don't think there'll be too much of a rush! i do kind of want to write about what happened the other night. emma and i wanted to go get dunkin, but it was 8:30 so we kind of had to hurry so that we didn't arrive too late. they unfortunately didn't have any donuts or coffee, so that was kind of a disappointment. we decided on getting hteao instead, and we got our drinks, but then on the way home emma had to break really hard and my drink went flying and burst open everywhere. it was lowkey my final straw that night and kind of set me off. it really wasn't that big of a deal but i really don't know why it made me so upset. anyways! it really doesn't matter lol. don't cry over spilled tea ig?

june 3 2025

bruh i accidentally deleted my journal entry from yesterday :( i was trying to adjust my coding to add my blinkies but it didn't work the way i wanted to, and when trying to revert it i realized i didn't have a copy of the original code. it's alright i guess, i mostly just wrote about the trip to colorado. it was fun but i'm just glad to be home and back in my own space. i love driving but any time i would take a turn driving us, it's always "SLOW DOWN" "OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU GOING INTO SO MANY POTHOLES" "STOP PULLING UP SO CLOSE" like god damn just let me fucking drive and maybe i wont crash this damn car like i would like to. jesus christ i really just wanted to swerve into oncoming traffic as they said that shit. it pissed me off. anyways, we did see some beautiful scenery and mountains... we also smoked some really good weed teehee. we saw pikes peak, garden of the gods, and more in new mexico and lubbock. today i had work in the morning from 6-1:30 but i ended up staying later due to the trainers meeting. i found out im going to austin!!! i'm really excited to travel, i've never traveled completely solo like this without anyone i know coming with me and staying with me or supervising me. i'm actually really looking forward to it. i'll also be training some new people over at southlake in a couple weeks, which will also be exciting. i'm ready to get my money up and not my funny up fr. lol. after work i got an oil change at walmart and honestly it was the most grueling experience ever. i checked in and all was well until i started walking around and realized my phone was at 3%. i immediately stopped listening to music to try to preserve my battery but it was too late. i tried asking the dunkin employee if she had a charger, which she didnt. i then think to myself well that's fine, because i have my card on me, right? WRONG. i no longer have a form of payment and they've already began my car's service. fucking kill me bro this shit is endless. anyways, at this point im like freaking out trying to figure out what to do, so then i go to buy a charger which didn't work either because when i tried turning my phone on, it immediately shut off again. embarassing. i then made my way over to the electronics area and asked if i could use the display charger which was genuinely so embarassing i felt like a fucking leech that shit was so weird. anyway i charged it to 15% and made my way over to the autoshop part of walmart. the reg lady told me my car was ready, which was surprising honestly bc it didn't show me it was done when i had just seen my phone turn on, but i trusted her and paid with walmart pay. JUST TO FIND OUT THAT I HAD JUST PAID FOR THE WRONG FUCKING PERSON'S SERVICE. it was a charge for another kia model so i basically ended up paying for another lady's service. it took like an hour for them to simply just give me a giftcard with the balance on it. then my car actully finished, and when i thought it would finally be over, i went to go try and pay forreal this time with my phone AND IT FUCKING DIES AGAINNNNNNN OH MY GOD IM CRASHING OUT IM ACTUALLY GOING TO CRASH OUT AND FALL ON THE FLOOR BRO THIS SHIT IS SO IRRITATING WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK. so then i had to ask the auto people for a charger and luckily they had one. it took SO god damn long for my phone to charge. it kept fucking teasing me and turning on and then dying again like 5 different times and i couldn't pay the remaining balance until it was charged. overall draining day. too much happened and i just want to melt.

credits for the themes!